Monday, 2 December 2013

Pictures in the Mind

I have been practising using words in my writing that give readers pictures in their minds.
Three weeks ago, the school did athletics on the field.
It was a very nice warm day. The grass was as soft as my cat’s fur. I wanted to lie down on it. The first event I did was the high jump. The bar was as long as a giraffe neck.
In the line, I was second to last. Finally, it was my turn. I ran around in the shape of a colourful rainbow. I jumped over the bar like a grasshopper and ran back to the line. The bar had not fallen off. I got my second chance to jump.  I pounced over the bar, but, this time, it was higher. I landed face first onto the soft as a couch mat but do not worry. It did not hurt, so I laughed. I got back on my feet and ran back to the end of the line. My turn was coming up. I sprinted to the bar and scissor- kicked into the air and on to the mat again with the bar on my tum tum. Bad luck, I thought to myself, but I tried my best. I got another go. I took a step back and ran like a bee darting from flower to flower. I jumped over the bar.

Saturday, 26 October 2013

Lollipop's Big Lesson

One day, in a beautiful city in a little girl's backyard, there lived a kitten called Lollipop. 
Lollipop climbed her favourite tree, not noticing that the tree was very old. When she got to the top branch, it started to wiggle.
Luckily, Lilly saw the branch wiggling with Lollipop on it. 
At that moment, the branch fell with Lollipop on it. Lilly caught Lollipop and said, "Now you have learnt a lesson."Well done, Emily. You can add a few things to help the readers understand the story better. Tell us about Lilly in the orientation. Explain why Lollipop wanted to climb the tree. Describe the tree.  

Friday, 25 October 2013